Less than 48 hours. 48 is the number to beat.

In less than 48 hours I am going to be in a foreign country. Not only that, but I am going to be alone. All alone. Totally lonesome. Forever alone.

I think maybe the thing that’s keeping me sane is the fact that I can joke around and be dramatic. But on the for reals side, I’m sorta kinda freaking out. In less than 48 hours I am going to be in Mexico surrounded by people who are currently complete strangers. I believe this fact only hit me about two hours ago and I haven’t been able to breathe since.

I think I may be insane. Who in their right mind would ever think that it would be a good idea for their first trip out of the country (I no longer count my week cruise four years ago), on a missions trip, all by themselves. I’m not even going with a team. I will know absolutely no one. I thought that fact would excite me. Instead it is making me sick.

Now don’t get me wrong, if you’re still reading this. I am so excited, thrilled, just tickled to be going and I’m not saying that sarcastically. This has been my dream for years and I guess I never stopped to think what it would be like if it actually happened. 

You know that feeling you get when you are about to do something so completely dangerous and utterly stupid. Like the first time you jumped off a swing set. Or the feeling you get when you start up on the roller coaster heading towards the big drop. You just sit in that hard plastic seat, hoping that the metal bar between you and falling to your death is actually locked in place. And the only thing you can do, as the cars slowly clank to the top is tug on that bar, testing it, making sure it is in place. Well frankly, I’m in that car, clawing at the bar. 

So this waiting, this apprehension until I go. This is the climb to the top. The rickety clicks and clanks of the roller coaster. When you get to the top, you can see the whole park and beyond.Then you get that stomach-turning, heart in your mouth sensation as you plummet to the ground. But you never crash. There is always a turn, a loop, a twist. Something that saves you from slamming onto the sidewalk below. And you end up screaming with delight, exhilarated, adrenaline rush to the head. It gives you that sort of high which makes you want to get right back on immediately. 

Now I know I’m just on the beginning of this ride and that is the worst part. I just have to get to the top without losing my mind. 

Oh Insomnia. 

Today, I mowed the lawn. To you, dear reader, it probably doesn’t sound like much, but it is. In fact, it is a very big deal. You see, not to long ago, I would have never even thought about mowing the lawn for my dad. Most likely, if I was the same person now as I was then, I would have pointed out to him that he needed to mow the lawn, never even thinking about helping him out. I wasn’t a bad person, but I was so wrapped up in my needs and my wants that I didn’t even think to help someone else out.

Now, I never minded helping out strangers.  Actually, I love it. I love serving others. But in my view “others” never, ever  included my family. Many times, it didn’t even include my friends. 

I don’t know when that changed. Honestly, I have no idea. Maybe it was the year away from home, a year of maturity (hopefully). Most importantly, it was God, working in my heart. Today was the first day I noticed it though. And now that I have noticed it, I want to continue. I want to continue improving in the way that I serve my family. Because if I don’t serve my family with a heart full of love, how on earth can I serve others who aren’t remotely close to me. 

If you can’t serve the ones closest and dearest to your heart, then who can you serve? 

This summer will give me the time to develop this. In fact, summer is the perfect time to work on anything you see wrong with your actions or habits. I guess I’m not only challenging myself, but also whoever is reading this (if anyone). So think about it. Is there anything that you need to work on, improve or fix? If you can’t think of anything, or think that there is nothing wrong with how you are living and treating others, think again.

There will always be room for improvment. Ask someone close to you, aka family, usually they are the ones who see us clearly, see us as we really are. Family is not fooled by anything, they have seen you in diapers and they see you just as well now.

Summer is here, a new breeze in the air. It’s time to change, for the better. And this kind of stuff doesn’t happen overnight. It needs toil and time to grow. So let God work in your heart this summer.

when my dad starts googling the location of where I am going on my missions trip in order to find out whether there have been any recent “people being murdered and thrown into ditches”. I’m afraid that if he finds one thing, even remotely 100 miles away from where I will be, that he will yank it all away and flush my dreams of serving in Mexico this summer. I know that sounds a little dramatic, but my opportunity to serve in my first missions trip is only a week away. And as of right now, everything has gone too smoothly. It has happened too fast, has fallen into place too perfectly to be real. 

I guess thats how God works sometimes. Sometimes it’s a slow and painful process, other times it’s a whirlwind and you end up on the other side, dizzy and wondering how it all happened in the first place. Right now, its the second scenario. And it’s beautiful. God is beautiful. Waiting on His timing is beautiful. And I guess if my dad does make me pull out, then it is not God’s timing. 

I have waited over two years for this…if He needs it this way, I can wait a little bit longer.

Obviously, my fears are a little irrational, considering my dad hasn’t said no yet and he is running out of time. But, I always like to prepare myself for the fall. For the let down. It’s something I have come to expect. 

But maybe this time is the exception to the rule.

when something that you have been praying for over the past two years finally starts to happen. God’s timing could never be more perfect. I cannot wait for Summer 2012 to start!